If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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