Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize