Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
