my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
