this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
