We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
