guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize