i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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