a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize