we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
