Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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