Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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