Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I need to calm my uterus...
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
