butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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