I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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