I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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