Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
