lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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