Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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