my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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