Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Small penises have feelings too.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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