The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
