I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
