Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
He did a backflip because drugs
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