Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
