You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
