it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
