im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Is Oprah even human
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
