i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Randomize
