Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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