He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
