Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
