The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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