there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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