he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
We were destined to go to rehab together
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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