All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
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