There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Rumble strips road head = magical
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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