guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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