I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
