laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
God, I missed his penis.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
