PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
