We're like a lot better than the average bears
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
