i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Randomize
