If that was your dad, he is hot
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
