found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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