I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
