mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
