Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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