they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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