having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
