I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Randomize
