Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize