I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
