she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize