I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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