Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
