sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
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