I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Randomize
