I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
