Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I did not marry a roomba.
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