her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Randomize
