Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
