You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
