I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
We talked him into tasing himself.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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