but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
