hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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