she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I checked into jail on foursquare
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
