i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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