Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
