There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
