I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
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