I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
