I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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