while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
