ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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