So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
