I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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