I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
