I don't think brook has ever known best
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
