Will you blow on my dice?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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