what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize