Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
