hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
