Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
