I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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