brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
