Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
As shirtless as possible
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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