I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
