He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize