He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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