he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
