New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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