Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
